March 24, 2011--Friendships

When else will I genuinely be able to say that some of my best friends range between the ages of 6 and 17? I recently have been thinking about how I spend my time here, and how different my relationships look comparatively to my life back at home. Hands down, my best friend here is a coworker of mine who I have written about before Wacho---but he is 21 and that is normal--nothing out of the regular friendships I have at home. Yet everyday I come home and find myself genuinely excited to play and share in my day with the kids across the street...Stefanie (13), Evelyn ( 11), Luis (10) and David (6). They have become so important to me. Yet when I go back home, will I befriend and play with the kids who live across the street from my house? Probably nott--there are limits and realities to playing and spending too much time with young kids in the states. Its not normal for a 22 year old girl to spend 2 hours with 10 and 6 year old boys. Not to mention, aside from those kids, I talk to Danny (19), Danny (14) and Henry (17) almost everyday. They are young boys who I truly confide in. Especially Danny---we know so much about each other--our lives, our dreams..what we love..what we hate. I cherish our conversations. Here it is okay--everyone is on a level playing field in terms of friendships. Yet at home, a 22 year old confiding in a high schooler would be seen as inappropriate. Today is another perfect example----I went to a pool with 4 boys between the ages of 14 and 16. We had a blast---such genuine fun..but such great conversations and incredible insight to the lives they lead..and how they are still normal teenage boys, yet they are boys who are amazing and thoughtful....then nevermind my friendship with Hamilton ( my brother here)..He is someone I will miss the most...and I know I will never have this freedom again. The freedom to just be and build relationships without having to think about age, contact, where and when. Life here just is. I love that. But what does this all mean? This experience has truly allowed me to see who and what is in front of me. To look beyond age and see people for who they are. To listen. To talk. To share. It has truly opened my eyes to the true abilities of children and young people. I have learned more from them than from anyone else. I will go home and truly be aware of the voices, opinions and thoughts of youth. I realized how almost oppressed they can be--written off because of age or lack of experiece---yet here in Ecuador I was awakened--through my freiendshi`s with them--by their true intelligence and potential to be the lights in our world. If we separate children and youth from adults, I really do not know if we can make great changes--their innocense gives a different perspective. Their simle yet incredible observations need to be heard--I just wish that all adults--myself included--could always see that.

So while yes, I will go home and have limits or restrictions on relationships, it is my relationships, it is my friendships with young people here that will push me to see out kids in the United States and let them know their voices, opinions and ideas are valued. That they are being heard. The kids of Ecuador will be my motivation--I will carry my real and genuine friendships with these kids in my heart forever.

February 12, 2011--My Brother

In 28 de Agosot, I have become extremely close with the Olmedo family...I have written about how Maribel, the mother, is one of the strongest women I know. But it would not be fair if I didn´t talk about Hamilton...who calls me his sister. And to be honest....my true brother here in Ecuador. He is 16 and has taken on more responsibilities than I have even known at 22. He is the caregiver to his siblings ( he is the oldest of 7) and often takes on responsibilites of mom or dad as Maribel often has to take care of his brother Jonathon who had a traumatic brain injury in an acident last year. Yet Hamilton is full of smiles and hope. He studies hard and loves school...and he genuinely loves his family. I admire how positive he stays amidst so much hardship. Him and I talk almost everday, we have serious conversations, but we mostly just fool around---I very much see my presence in his life as one where he can be himself and let go of his responsibilities for a while, and the severity behind how desperate his home life so often is. All of this leads me to a huge realization I had revolving around him today.

God knows how much I love this kid--and today I truly realized how much he knows me. I was at Manos Abiertas and completely running out of patience---I was feeling frustrated for so many different reasons, and then Hamilton walked in with his usual crowd--Brian, Cristian, Lady and Sylvanna. Everyone said hi and kept walking--but Hamilton read my face--he put his arm around my should smiled and screamed ¨Mi nañaaaaaaa!!!¨which translates to ¨My sisterrrrr!!¨ And then asked, ¨todo bein?¨ everything ok?? I just laughed at his goofiness and yelled back ¨si!! todo bien brother¨---then this 16 year old kid hugged me and whispered, now thats the Jessie I know! ¨Eso es la Jessie quien yo si conozco¨ This small but extremely powerful moment made me realize how much these kids mean to me, and how I do not know what I would do without Hamilton. He truly knew me more than I ever thought and this was a validating moment where I realized how real my relationships are here. And how much love I am experiencing throughout my days.

February 11, 2011--Realization

How do you stay positive when so much that you do contradicts the culture and reality of where you are working and living? And how do you continue to remind yourself of all the good inside of people even after they do or say something completely dark or twisted? These are some of the questions I have been aksing myself recently. Things have been really hard at Manos Abiertas. I feel like I am constantly failing..even when I have days of success. We want to provide a safe educational space where we teach values--respect, responsibility, citizenship, trustworthiness, spirituality, kindness--yet these values are often not seen outside of program. We teach conflict resolutions--or we try to--yet the kids walk out the door and fighting is the only resolution. Not to mention so many of the kids are victims to violence or physical discipline at home. They correlate bad behavior with being hit. So at program, the kids often see consequences such as sitting out during recreo as ¨wins¨. They have the mentality that they can behave poorly at program and instead of getting hit, they just have to sit out or say they are sorry and talk with the others involved. That to them is a sucess. Yet for us, it can often be sad and defeating. Will they ever learn? Or will the cycle of their environment continue?

Two days ago at program, a 12 year old boy punched an 11 year old girl in the face. I immediately told him he had to go, we talked and he was suspended from program for a few days. As I sat and tried to console the young girl, a million things ran through my head. Number one, when I was that age, I knew fighting was not an answer--nevermind the fact that a man hitting a woman was one of the worst things that someone could do--yet the fact that the boy hit the girl did not seem to phase anyone--and that made me sick to my stomach.

As she sat and cried I asked her if she was crying because she was hurt, scared, nervous etc. She responded by telling me it was because she worried that her mom was going to hit her for what happened. I simply didn´t understand. I offered to talk to her mom--who I know well--and as we got up to go, her mom came storming into the school. She screamed about how this was why Jessica should not have come to Manos and how she will only learn by defending herself, so she had to go and fight back. Then she dragged her outside. I was devestated. She was being punished and told to fight back by her mom. It was a huge realization. These kids are being told contradictory things--its no wonder they are confused. But the truth is, their parents will win everytime. And the other truth is, their parents are often people who work hard for their children and have good hearts--but they too grew up learning hese same things--and while it is hard to bear witness to, I cannot judge. I do not know their experiences, realities, etc. All I can do is sit with my feelinfs of discouragement....and then wake up the ready to take my next ´¨jab¨ at instiling positive values, thoughts and actions in the lives of these children.