I had the biggest moment of jy and connection today in 28 de agosot....after Manos we spontaneously went to Tita´s birthday party, which Luz ( Tierney) and I had planned on blowing off...and as we walked out Christian gently, but quite vividly reminded us that we had to go to the party. The second I was outside the house I immediately realized how important this community and big family meant to me. I was filled with warmth as I was welcomed and imediately behan dancing. Tita, wh is usually in rags for clothes, dirty, with her unbrushed hair--a tom boy to the T looked stunning. I could not help but think about how beautiful this 7 year old will be in 5 years as a young woman. Being in a different environment with all of y regular Manos kids was so special---Christian, Coria, Jaun Carlos, Arelis, Tita, Augustine, Jessica, Maicl, Raul...etc-- it brought me so much happiness. To be with the and their family celebrating, laughing and dnancing tgether was something I am so grateful for. It reminded me once again of this true power of being and loving one another. I can´t even pin point one or two th ings that made this 35 minute event so special--but I am so full of joy, warmth and clarity--clarity that these kids, their families and 28 de agsoto in general have truly made this experience so wonderful. I want to continue growing, learning, loving and being with this beautiful community.
With that said, I could not help but wonder how they afforded the party. They literally have next to nothing...yet everyone was fed, there were decorations, cake, music etc...and it all was awesome--but it is hard nt t think about what this could mean for them for the next week r so--did they sacrafice other things for this party? Then again, does it matter? There was not a singe person without a smile on their face. The siplest things brought us all together and truly made us all so joyful, relaxed and from what I saw, thankful for the presence and love of one another.
The love I feel for these people is so powerful--too powerful to explain...agape--the love which I have to believe is God´s presense. God is love--28 de agosto is where I find love in the purest ways...what does that mean? I am not sure, but I am blessed and thankful. Today I forggot about the behaviors that are near impossible to manage--the fights--all the things that at ties put out the light of hope that I have for these kids--and I felt connected to their lives--and I saw the light of love in their lives through their family and friends...the tw most important things in their life and ine...we are connected through that.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Reflections...
Reflections: Walter, Evelyn, David
Walter, who lives across the street has welcomed me into his home since day 1. I truly feel a cnnectin with him--even though I may not visit as often as I like, each oment with him is life giving. He is warm, wise and open---very similar to my own Dad. We connect through our sarcasm and sense of humor..their is always an element of humor with him, yet an immense amount of sincerity and genuiness. Walter always asks questions and pushes the envelope--he often challenges me to truly think and be intentional. His words of wisdom, or simple words of playfullness ar my heart and make me feel at home. I feel lucky to have him in my life.
Evelyn...all I want it the best for her. She is a beautiful, smart, talented young girl who is semi misguided. She is incredibly wise beyond her years and I worry about what her future holds. She is so in tune with her sexuality and craves so much male attentin. She has often told me hw she does nt want to do anything in the future, and that breaks my heart--simply because I know all the wonderful things she can d. I am alw ays at ease with her--she has the ability to consistantly make me smile. She can hold a meaningful conversation at 11 years old which at times is hard for most adults. I want so badly for her to find her dreams and follow them--I want her to have the life and future she truly deserves.
David...he is stone cold...always has his guard up and is uick to act out or be on the defense. Yet his heart is so soft...when you get the change to be let in. My heart goes out to him...especially when I see him struggle--my instincts of hugs and mushy love are not what he wants or need--so I am super challeneged by him..yet my consistancy of being there with him or for him even in just a presence has connected us. I struggle because I am usually quickly shut down by him--which makes it easy to simply give up...especially when the shelter has 80 bys...and especially because he can be extremely mean....but then I am reminded of his smile--of everything he deserves--and I take the 2nd or 3rd try to let hi know that I care---I would truly do anyhing for this kid.
Walter, who lives across the street has welcomed me into his home since day 1. I truly feel a cnnectin with him--even though I may not visit as often as I like, each oment with him is life giving. He is warm, wise and open---very similar to my own Dad. We connect through our sarcasm and sense of humor..their is always an element of humor with him, yet an immense amount of sincerity and genuiness. Walter always asks questions and pushes the envelope--he often challenges me to truly think and be intentional. His words of wisdom, or simple words of playfullness ar my heart and make me feel at home. I feel lucky to have him in my life.
Evelyn...all I want it the best for her. She is a beautiful, smart, talented young girl who is semi misguided. She is incredibly wise beyond her years and I worry about what her future holds. She is so in tune with her sexuality and craves so much male attentin. She has often told me hw she does nt want to do anything in the future, and that breaks my heart--simply because I know all the wonderful things she can d. I am alw ays at ease with her--she has the ability to consistantly make me smile. She can hold a meaningful conversation at 11 years old which at times is hard for most adults. I want so badly for her to find her dreams and follow them--I want her to have the life and future she truly deserves.
David...he is stone cold...always has his guard up and is uick to act out or be on the defense. Yet his heart is so soft...when you get the change to be let in. My heart goes out to him...especially when I see him struggle--my instincts of hugs and mushy love are not what he wants or need--so I am super challeneged by him..yet my consistancy of being there with him or for him even in just a presence has connected us. I struggle because I am usually quickly shut down by him--which makes it easy to simply give up...especially when the shelter has 80 bys...and especially because he can be extremely mean....but then I am reminded of his smile--of everything he deserves--and I take the 2nd or 3rd try to let hi know that I care---I would truly do anyhing for this kid.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Helpless November 16, 2010
Helpless. The past few days I have truly felt a bit helpless...not in the sense that I am not doing anything, but in the sense that I canot change the experiences and struggles of the people here. I am having a hard time with simply listening---and I know its extremely important..I don´t undermine the power of a listening ear..but its more the äfter-the-fact¨processing that is hard, simply because I don´t usually come to a solution on how I can help the person at hand.
A boy at the shelter and I had an awesome conversation this week--I saw him for who he really was and found a greater appreciation for him. He shared with me about his family, in whom he barely knows and how time passing had simply made it hard to try and reconnect. He spoke on his life on the street before the shelter--his experiences with drugs and gang life...and a small glimpse of his outlook on religion...yet at the end he simply put his head down and cried and asked to be alone. My heart broke at the sight of his sadness--I truly was at a loss of what to do...not to mention his state of vulnerability then led to him not speaking to me--which I had to accept--no matter how much I wanted to help him and hug him. Helplessness filled my heart because the reality is I cannot change what happened to him. All I can offer is the genuine love and care of a friendship.
This feeling resonated with another friend at the shelter who I work with---he is easily one of my favorite people in Ecuador--and he is clealy a bit lost in the midst of the reality of his life, but I learned how grounded he was in his faith. He realizes that God cannt be to blame fr the things gone awry in our lives--which was inspiring to hear from a guy who at my age has gone through hell, yet wears a smile each day. He shared with me the challenges he faces at home. His wife is in bad health after her pregnancy, the baby is sick, and he barely ate the entire weekend. The baby cant go to the doctor because they cannot afford it, his wife is stressed and he takes the weight of it all. I hear these things and I truly do not know what to do. I do not understand why such innocent people suffer...and they suffer frm things that are truly systemic...things I cannot change. Yet again, I can only ffer y listening ear, wrkds of support, a smile and a hug. While I know how meaningful they are to him, it is the processing and recgnition of realitis that makes things so incredibly hard.
Some days kids just do not want to talk--or they don´t want t be bthered--and on those days, I feel th emost helpless be cause on those days the best thing I can do it be around in case they change their mind---otherwise what the kids need is to be left alone. As a person who is extrverted and grounded in relationships and physical validation, this is extremely hard. I Cannt even give the the gift f listening because soetimes, they simply need to be alone in their own thoughts. My heart hurts the most when a kid is clearly struggling and their first instinct is to push me away. Although I know it is not about me, it is another reminder of an inability to truly do anything for them. But then again, it is a reoccuring theme and maybe that means something...
¨We come not to do, but to be¨- Rostro de Cristo 2006 -- This quote, which describes part of our mission in a prayer truly is a reminder that my helplessness is okay-be cause I did not come to change anything in specific, but I came to be...to learn...to walk with my human family. What I choose to do after with the knowledge and experience I am gaining will be a way fo me to perhaps advocate ore for my family and loved ones here.
A boy at the shelter and I had an awesome conversation this week--I saw him for who he really was and found a greater appreciation for him. He shared with me about his family, in whom he barely knows and how time passing had simply made it hard to try and reconnect. He spoke on his life on the street before the shelter--his experiences with drugs and gang life...and a small glimpse of his outlook on religion...yet at the end he simply put his head down and cried and asked to be alone. My heart broke at the sight of his sadness--I truly was at a loss of what to do...not to mention his state of vulnerability then led to him not speaking to me--which I had to accept--no matter how much I wanted to help him and hug him. Helplessness filled my heart because the reality is I cannot change what happened to him. All I can offer is the genuine love and care of a friendship.
This feeling resonated with another friend at the shelter who I work with---he is easily one of my favorite people in Ecuador--and he is clealy a bit lost in the midst of the reality of his life, but I learned how grounded he was in his faith. He realizes that God cannt be to blame fr the things gone awry in our lives--which was inspiring to hear from a guy who at my age has gone through hell, yet wears a smile each day. He shared with me the challenges he faces at home. His wife is in bad health after her pregnancy, the baby is sick, and he barely ate the entire weekend. The baby cant go to the doctor because they cannot afford it, his wife is stressed and he takes the weight of it all. I hear these things and I truly do not know what to do. I do not understand why such innocent people suffer...and they suffer frm things that are truly systemic...things I cannot change. Yet again, I can only ffer y listening ear, wrkds of support, a smile and a hug. While I know how meaningful they are to him, it is the processing and recgnition of realitis that makes things so incredibly hard.
Some days kids just do not want to talk--or they don´t want t be bthered--and on those days, I feel th emost helpless be cause on those days the best thing I can do it be around in case they change their mind---otherwise what the kids need is to be left alone. As a person who is extrverted and grounded in relationships and physical validation, this is extremely hard. I Cannt even give the the gift f listening because soetimes, they simply need to be alone in their own thoughts. My heart hurts the most when a kid is clearly struggling and their first instinct is to push me away. Although I know it is not about me, it is another reminder of an inability to truly do anything for them. But then again, it is a reoccuring theme and maybe that means something...
¨We come not to do, but to be¨- Rostro de Cristo 2006 -- This quote, which describes part of our mission in a prayer truly is a reminder that my helplessness is okay-be cause I did not come to change anything in specific, but I came to be...to learn...to walk with my human family. What I choose to do after with the knowledge and experience I am gaining will be a way fo me to perhaps advocate ore for my family and loved ones here.
What does my education mean? November 4, 2010
So last night for spirituality night we talked about education and how it fits into our experience here...if it does at all....if its prepared us, and what it all means! Below is my journal entry :
DePaul was my gateway. It´s mission opened my eyes to the reality of the world around me. Opened my eyes to a world outside of myself...so full of both suffering and joy. I was introduced to the social responsibility. To the idea of common good and human dignity. DePaul allowed me to realize that my actions always affect those around me--and my education is a driving force that can allow me to do good.
At DePaul I also realized that education spread outside the classroom. In terms of this experience in Ecuador, my actual education degree is invaluable---the tactics and ideas revolving around working with children and youth has aided in my ability to connect with the kids here. The multicultural urban aspect has given me the knowledge and patience to work with young people from tough backgrounds revolving around poverty, and recognize that their behaviors stem from somewhere. With that said, it was the knowledge I gained outside of the classroom that changed my world, my perspective and truly taight me something.
Human contact, conversations, and solidarity are where we are able to truly learn. Hands on experiences, followed by reflection is how I got to where I am right now. It was trhough VIA and service where I learned of my ability to do good and affect change. It was through these experiences when I learned of the true power of love and relationships. I learned I am not one to be able to judge--It is my job to hear the voices, stories, struggles and joys--then use the information to advocate for the seemingly voiceless....these are all things that I took from te values of St, Vincent DePaul...from the idea of action through simply being with and accompanying other.
I can sit here and say all this, yet it maks me wonder if everyone has these experiences---or if I was truly guided down this path by God. Education comes in so many forms. And what does this mean for the people here, where education is not seen in the same light? Does their reality defer them from taking action? Is that fair? Because even with my grade A education and numerous experiences, I have no idea what I can actually do for the people here--the people I have come to love. I am getting a whole other form of education here in Ecuador--and I am not payig a dime for it--yet I would not be here with out DePaul. I am not sure what it all means...for me, for my friends here....but I do know that I a here. I have an education--a formal and wonderful one at that--but I also will continue to learn and be inspired. Even if I cannot change the economic hardships and realities here, I can go forth and advocate--spread the information--open others eyes the way DePaul opened mine.
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