The Strongest Woman I know..

Maribel....she has slowly becoe someone whom I love so much. She is one of the strongest women I know. 7 kids..ne who is special needs and another who is rehabilitating from a serious accident...a husband who is seemingly absent... no money...the list can go on. Yet her faith brings her great hope and peace. Life throws her challenges, but she wears a smile and fights for her kids. I truly admire her. She is one of the most hospitable people I have encuntered...and I don´t simply mean that she invites me into her house, which I LOVE...she invites me into her life--with an open heart and open hands. She literally shares everything with me, and while it often breaks y heart, her openess brings me life and warmth. In all of the darkness that sometimes is her life, she brings me so much light. She doesnt question while I am here. She welcomes it. She knew little about me, but has had me in her home near everyday since I have been here. Her kids mean the world to me--and even though her son who is also in y class at the shelter is not speakin to me--I feel an overpowering sense of genuine love for them..and desire for them to have a better life.

Although Maribel has no real power over her current lifestyle, her willingness to make her kids happy is mind blowing. She has been fighting for months now to get her son Jonathon, who was more or less declared brain dead,..up, moving and talking. She has spent so much money, time ( someties at the expense of the others), emotions...and he is now physically responding. He can walk with help, sit up on his own, shake his head for yes or no...give thumbs up or thumbs down--the change I have seen in him has been truly amazing, and she deserves all the credit. Her strength and hope got hi here and I truly do not doubt that he will cotinue to recover. The way she talks about her kids lets me know tha they are what she is living for. She is so real with them and puts so much responsibility on the but it is all out of love and I th ink they realize that.

I did not realize how much I loved Maribel until re cently when she invited me to go with her to her church. ( She´s evangelical) Yes, it was uncofortable, but it made me realize how open she was to her own vulnerability...and hw she shared in that with me. Through her invitations--inviation to get t know her kids--invitation to come sit on her floor or eat a meal--invitations to simply talk. These invitations are the definition of hospitality. The Cortez family is my family here. All I want is a life full of happiness for them. I hope God answers their prayers.

Reflections Before Christmas

Christmas is in just three days and I cannot help but feel homesick. My whole life Christmas for me was the unity of my family.....a holiday of being together. Yes, presents were clearly a huge part of the day...physically...but it was and is the time spent together that was truly the highlight. I recently wrote a letter to my family, and I talked about the idea of accompaniment. This idea of accompanying others. When I thikn about the story of Christmas, this word and idea also comes to mind. Joseph accompanying Mary....people coming from all over to see this new baby and accompany these people...and then of course Jesus...he spent his life accompanying others and walking with others....especially the poor. I think this experience here in Ecuador has brought me to a realization that I do believe and truly am living out my faith...through accompaniment. My family and friends are living this out through accompanying me. Its this comfort in knowing that you are walking with others...and others are walking with you. We are truly never alone.

Reflection on accompaniment

Daniella--12 years old--28 de Agosto

About 5 days ag, I sat outside of Jessica, Raul and Danielles house as Daniella handwashed her families clohes. I didn´t actually do antying--I sat on a dirt mound and talked. We also didn´t talk about anything all that serious either. She told me about her best friends...about her lder sisters in whom I knew othing about...but all of this ¨nothingness¨ drew us closer together. The time passed quickly and I could tell she appreciated y company the same way that I appreciated hers. This tgetherness is the spirit of Christas that I feel with my own family....which is a gentle reinder that even in their absence, I am okay. I am loving others and being loved by my faily here. It is such a beautiful thing.

Aside from all that, just watching and being with Daniella brought us closer. I learned so much from her in this small moment. When I was 12, my mom did my laundry for me...nevermind handwashing my own clothes...or the clthes of my brothers! It was anther glimpse int the realities and responsibilities of the kids here...and it made me grateful for the life I was given and the things that my parents did for me so that I could have more time to spend being a kid...but it also gave me a lot more respect for the kids whom i love unconditionally here. If only they knew hw much they are teaching me as we accompany one another. I am forever thankful to Danielle for these small learning moments.

Happy Birthday Tita

I had the biggest moment of jy and connection today in 28 de agosot....after Manos we spontaneously went to Tita´s birthday party, which Luz ( Tierney) and I had planned on blowing off...and as we walked out Christian gently, but quite vividly reminded us that we had to go to the party. The second I was outside the house I immediately realized how important this community and big family meant to me. I was filled with warmth as I was welcomed and imediately behan dancing. Tita, wh is usually in rags for clothes, dirty, with her unbrushed hair--a tom boy to the T looked stunning. I could not help but think about how beautiful this 7 year old will be in 5 years as a young woman. Being in a different environment with all of y regular Manos kids was so special---Christian, Coria, Jaun Carlos, Arelis, Tita, Augustine, Jessica, Maicl, Raul...etc-- it brought me so much happiness. To be with the and their family celebrating, laughing and dnancing tgether was something I am so grateful for. It reminded me once again of this true power of being and loving one another. I can´t even pin point one or two th ings that made this 35 minute event so special--but I am so full of joy, warmth and clarity--clarity that these kids, their families and 28 de agsoto in general have truly made this experience so wonderful. I want to continue growing, learning, loving and being with this beautiful community.

With that said, I could not help but wonder how they afforded the party. They literally have next to nothing...yet everyone was fed, there were decorations, cake, music etc...and it all was awesome--but it is hard nt t think about what this could mean for them for the next week r so--did they sacrafice other things for this party? Then again, does it matter? There was not a singe person without a smile on their face. The siplest things brought us all together and truly made us all so joyful, relaxed and from what I saw, thankful for the presence and love of one another.

The love I feel for these people is so powerful--too powerful to explain...agape--the love which I have to believe is God´s presense. God is love--28 de agosto is where I find love in the purest ways...what does that mean? I am not sure, but I am blessed and thankful. Today I forggot about the behaviors that are near impossible to manage--the fights--all the things that at ties put out the light of hope that I have for these kids--and I felt connected to their lives--and I saw the light of love in their lives through their family and friends...the tw most important things in their life and ine...we are connected through that.

Reflections...

Reflections: Walter, Evelyn, David

Walter, who lives across the street has welcomed me into his home since day 1. I truly feel a cnnectin with him--even though I may not visit as often as I like, each oment with him is life giving. He is warm, wise and open---very similar to my own Dad. We connect through our sarcasm and sense of humor..their is always an element of humor with him, yet an immense amount of sincerity and genuiness. Walter always asks questions and pushes the envelope--he often challenges me to truly think and be intentional. His words of wisdom, or simple words of playfullness ar my heart and make me feel at home. I feel lucky to have him in my life.

Evelyn...all I want it the best for her. She is a beautiful, smart, talented young girl who is semi misguided. She is incredibly wise beyond her years and I worry about what her future holds. She is so in tune with her sexuality and craves so much male attentin. She has often told me hw she does nt want to do anything in the future, and that breaks my heart--simply because I know all the wonderful things she can d. I am alw ays at ease with her--she has the ability to consistantly make me smile. She can hold a meaningful conversation at 11 years old which at times is hard for most adults. I want so badly for her to find her dreams and follow them--I want her to have the life and future she truly deserves.

David...he is stone cold...always has his guard up and is uick to act out or be on the defense. Yet his heart is so soft...when you get the change to be let in. My heart goes out to him...especially when I see him struggle--my instincts of hugs and mushy love are not what he wants or need--so I am super challeneged by him..yet my consistancy of being there with him or for him even in just a presence has connected us. I struggle because I am usually quickly shut down by him--which makes it easy to simply give up...especially when the shelter has 80 bys...and especially because he can be extremely mean....but then I am reminded of his smile--of everything he deserves--and I take the 2nd or 3rd try to let hi know that I care---I would truly do anyhing for this kid.

Helpless November 16, 2010

Helpless. The past few days I have truly felt a bit helpless...not in the sense that I am not doing anything, but in the sense that I canot change the experiences and struggles of the people here. I am having a hard time with simply listening---and I know its extremely important..I don´t undermine the power of a listening ear..but its more the äfter-the-fact¨processing that is hard, simply because I don´t usually come to a solution on how I can help the person at hand.

A boy at the shelter and I had an awesome conversation this week--I saw him for who he really was and found a greater appreciation for him. He shared with me about his family, in whom he barely knows and how time passing had simply made it hard to try and reconnect. He spoke on his life on the street before the shelter--his experiences with drugs and gang life...and a small glimpse of his outlook on religion...yet at the end he simply put his head down and cried and asked to be alone. My heart broke at the sight of his sadness--I truly was at a loss of what to do...not to mention his state of vulnerability then led to him not speaking to me--which I had to accept--no matter how much I wanted to help him and hug him. Helplessness filled my heart because the reality is I cannot change what happened to him. All I can offer is the genuine love and care of a friendship.


This feeling resonated with another friend at the shelter who I work with---he is easily one of my favorite people in Ecuador--and he is clealy a bit lost in the midst of the reality of his life, but I learned how grounded he was in his faith. He realizes that God cannt be to blame fr the things gone awry in our lives--which was inspiring to hear from a guy who at my age has gone through hell, yet wears a smile each day. He shared with me the challenges he faces at home. His wife is in bad health after her pregnancy, the baby is sick, and he barely ate the entire weekend. The baby cant go to the doctor because they cannot afford it, his wife is stressed and he takes the weight of it all. I hear these things and I truly do not know what to do. I do not understand why such innocent people suffer...and they suffer frm things that are truly systemic...things I cannot change. Yet again, I can only ffer y listening ear, wrkds of support, a smile and a hug. While I know how meaningful they are to him, it is the processing and recgnition of realitis that makes things so incredibly hard.

Some days kids just do not want to talk--or they don´t want t be bthered--and on those days, I feel th emost helpless be cause on those days the best thing I can do it be around in case they change their mind---otherwise what the kids need is to be left alone. As a person who is extrverted and grounded in relationships and physical validation, this is extremely hard. I Cannt even give the the gift f listening because soetimes, they simply need to be alone in their own thoughts. My heart hurts the most when a kid is clearly struggling and their first instinct is to push me away. Although I know it is not about me, it is another reminder of an inability to truly do anything for them. But then again, it is a reoccuring theme and maybe that means something...

¨We come not to do, but to be¨- Rostro de Cristo 2006 -- This quote, which describes part of our mission in a prayer truly is a reminder that my helplessness is okay-be cause I did not come to change anything in specific, but I came to be...to learn...to walk with my human family. What I choose to do after with the knowledge and experience I am gaining will be a way fo me to perhaps advocate ore for my family and loved ones here.

What does my education mean? November 4, 2010

So last night for spirituality night we talked about education and how it fits into our experience here...if it does at all....if its prepared us, and what it all means! Below is my journal entry :

DePaul was my gateway. It´s mission opened my eyes to the reality of the world around me. Opened my eyes to a world outside of myself...so full of both suffering and joy. I was introduced to the social responsibility. To the idea of common good and human dignity. DePaul allowed me to realize that my actions always affect those around me--and my education is a driving force that can allow me to do good.

At DePaul I also realized that education spread outside the classroom. In terms of this experience in Ecuador, my actual education degree is invaluable---the tactics and ideas revolving around working with children and youth has aided in my ability to connect with the kids here. The multicultural urban aspect has given me the knowledge and patience to work with young people from tough backgrounds revolving around poverty, and recognize that their behaviors stem from somewhere. With that said, it was the knowledge I gained outside of the classroom that changed my world, my perspective and truly taight me something.

Human contact, conversations, and solidarity are where we are able to truly learn. Hands on experiences, followed by reflection is how I got to where I am right now. It was trhough VIA and service where I learned of my ability to do good and affect change. It was through these experiences when I learned of the true power of love and relationships. I learned I am not one to be able to judge--It is my job to hear the voices, stories, struggles and joys--then use the information to advocate for the seemingly voiceless....these are all things that I took from te values of St, Vincent DePaul...from the idea of action through simply being with and accompanying other.

I can sit here and say all this, yet it maks me wonder if everyone has these experiences---or if I was truly guided down this path by God. Education comes in so many forms. And what does this mean for the people here, where education is not seen in the same light? Does their reality defer them from taking action? Is that fair? Because even with my grade A education and numerous experiences, I have no idea what I can actually do for the people here--the people I have come to love. I am getting a whole other form of education here in Ecuador--and I am not payig a dime for it--yet I would not be here with out DePaul. I am not sure what it all means...for me, for my friends here....but I do know that I a here. I have an education--a formal and wonderful one at that--but I also will continue to learn and be inspired. Even if I cannot change the economic hardships and realities here, I can go forth and advocate--spread the information--open others eyes the way DePaul opened mine.

Ah! So where do I begin? I know its been 4 months without an update from me...but I want you all to know....that´s a good thing! I love my life here, and I am extremely busy!

Let me start from the beginning....I work two jobs each day--in the mornings I work Chicos de la Calle...it is a shelter that serves as a trade school for boys ages 11 to 18 who have lived, or are at risk of living and working on the streets. A lot of these boys come from extreme situations, and have had a lot of intense experiences in their short lives---abuse, neglect, etc. I serve as a mentor in the ¨taller¨which is the workshops where the boys are learning skills for carpentry and mechanics...and twice a week for 80 minutes I teach english to a seventh grade level class---where I have boys all between the ages of 13 and 18. I find SO much life from this work experience. I have been here for two months and the relationships I have built have been so special---there is a real beauty behind shared experiences, and the boys and I have had the opportunity to mess around, become friends, and begin to tell about our lives. With that said, this is an emotionally intense experience---but I leave each day so thankful for being placed at this work site. It has completely reiterated my passion to work with ¨at risk youth´¨ and I wake up each morning ready to go--with a genuine feeling of joy..something I hope to continue to have in my life. With that said, don´t get confused...there are days when I am near tears!! The boys are rough---they have so many layers and so many problems...their way to gain attention at times can be frustrating...they act out and can be disrespectful....but this is where my patience has been key. I constantly remind myself that behaviors stem from somewhere--and I need to listen to these behaviors and find a solution ( this is a big task that I am willing to take on). I find that most of my problems are during my english class--and this is because it is a transition for all of us--I spend a majority of my time in the workshop talking with the boys and building these friendships, and then I take on a completely different role as their teacher---the relationship can be easily confused by both them and myself. We are all slowly but surely learning to differentiate these roles and gain mutual understanding...but there are days when I leave the classroom truly questioning what I am doing there--and if I am even making a difference. Usually, on those days, my impact is reinforced by one of my most well behaved and respectful students---Danny Lopez---he is a brilliant 14 year old boy with the biggest heart....I am so thankful for him. Chicos is one place that has showed me the true power of love---so many of these boys do not fully understand the concept of being cared about---and they dont always see their own worht--but I have found that just my presence of caring and love is what they need. I cannot change their circumstances...I cannot change their past experiences...but I can show them that they are powerful, full of worth, and that people love them. I hope in doing so I can help to motivate them to choose a new path to take and positively move foward in their lives. I love them.

My second job is in an invasion communtiy, Veintiocho de Agosot---a n invasion, or growing community, that is on top of an old landfill...there is trash everywhere, and animals that feed on it---to keep the trash to minimum, the peopel there are constantly burning trash...which you can imagine bring about incredible health issues. In Veintiocho, I work with two other volunteers, Brendan and Tierny, and we run an after school program called Manos Abiertas (Open Hands). The after school program serves as a safe educational space for the kids in the community ages 4 to 15. Each day we have anywhere from 30 to 40 kids---we run a homework room, and then two separate activities, one for the older kids and one for the little kids. Education in Ecuador is more or less complete memorization---the kids here have little to no critical thinking skills...each week we work to plan education activities with math, english, geography, science etc . while trying to stimulate this crtitcal thinking skills----which can be extremely tough and frustrating. But enough about all that---let me tell you about THE KIDS. The kids at the program are so full of love and energy--they are completely needy---but wonderful. Due to the health issues in the area, most of the kids are malnourished, and they look 3 or 4 years younger than they actually are..for many of them..the bread, bannanas, and vitamins that we give out may be a substantial part of their meals each day-----along with that, their situation is so desperate, and it shows in their behavior. Sharing is rarely an option. Fighting is always the solution. Everything is territorial. This makes our job so much harder---but it is always the reason why our presence there is important...and the smiles that greet us as we walk up to the school...and the general excitment we are recieved with my the kids and their families is so moving....so welcoming....it makes this incredibly hard two hours of my day worth while. I had 2 weeks where I felt like working at Manos Abiertas was a mistake.... the kids were crazy and didn´t seem to liek us...nothing ran smoothly and the three of us left each day discouraged....but as time passed, and we all got through the transitional period, things got 100 times better ( that does not mean that there are no challenege s, because there are each day) Its amazing how much joy I get from little kids---they have such a genuine innocense...and especially here in Ecuador, such simple things bring them such great joy--it is so heartwarming. Their faces are already embedded on my heart.

I love each day here for its incredible beauty, heartbreaks, challenges and joys. I am know this is where I am supposed to be--which pushes me through even the hardest of days.